My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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