Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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