Need sex. Gaining weight.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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