so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
