I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
