just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
