Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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