so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
