alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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