It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
