Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
