all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
