How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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