Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
