I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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