Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
