If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
