Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
