the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So vagazzling was a success
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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