1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
