That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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