During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
