I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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