Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
