Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
