Can i not drive my cunt home
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
