If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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