Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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