She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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