Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
