You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
