Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
