if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you didnt know i had herpes?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
