Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
