Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I need to calm my uterus...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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