there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
