My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
