Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
