I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
