i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
