hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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