glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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