Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
