Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
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He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
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There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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