Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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