My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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