Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
