Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
