I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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