bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
