I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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