Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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