Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
