its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
