dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
