Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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