he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
