i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
