What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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