for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
