my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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