I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
