she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
