Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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