I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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